


mind over matter (or five times shige tried to “practice” for his sex butai without getting a hard-on)

by thunderylee



Category: Arashi (Band), KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Crossdressing, M/M, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-14
Updated: 2009-04-14
Packaged: 2019-02-01 20:38:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12712530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: “Once you pop, you can’t stop” belongs on Pringles cans, not in Shige’s pants.





	mind over matter (or five times shige tried to “practice” for his sex butai without getting a hard-on)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

> 1\. Tegoshi Yuuko

It’s a credit to how used NewS are to this behavior that Shige doesn’t even bat an eyelash when he walks into work and sees Tegoshi _Yuuko_ sitting on the couch.

“Hi, Shige,” he says, glossy lips offering a promising smile.

“Shit,” Shige hisses under his breath. “Why me?”

“I heard about your sex butai-” Tegoshi starts.

“It’s not a sex butai!” Shige interrupts, trying to keep his face from flushing.

“Yamapi thought you could use some help,” Tegoshi goes on, like Shige hadn’t said anything. “He suggested I rehearse with you like this so that you don’t do something embarrassing on stage.”

“Something embarrassing?” Shige repeats, unsure if he really wants to know.

Tegoshi rolls his blue-shadowed eyes and makes a very obvious hand gesture. “ _You_ know.”

Wordlessly, Shige blinks and stares at Tegoshi because he honestly hadn’t thought about that. _Until now_. “That _would_ be embarrassing.”

“Yeah,” Tegoshi agrees, like he has that problem. “So it’s good to try and keep that from happening, right?”

“I guess,” Shige says, then steps back as he notices Tegoshi striding towards him determinedly. “Tegoshi, what-”

“Practice!” Tegoshi exclaims, backing Shige up against the makeup table so fast that Yamapi’s hair gel bottles rattle. “Now pretend to have sex with me.”

Shige sputters for a second, eyes wide in disbelief. “What? I can’t do-”

He’s cut off by Tegoshi spinning them around and hopping up onto the counter. He’s pulled between Tegoshi’s legs and jerks when Tegoshi leans in to breathe his air. “Do you have to kiss them?”

“Who?” Shige asks dazedly.

“The girls,” Tegoshi replies, wrapping his arms around Shige’s neck as Shige’s hands automatically slide up his thighs.

“I-I don’t know,” Shige answers honestly, his tongue darting out to wet his suddenly dry lips.

It doesn’t make it back into his mouth as Tegoshi leans in. Shige tries to protest, but it comes out as a very un-protesting noise as Tegoshi licks his way past Shige’s lips, fingers sliding into Shige’s hair and thighs pulling him closer until Shige groans softly and rolls his hips.

Then it all goes away. He opens his eyes to see Tegoshi giving him a pitying look. “Are you even trying?”

Shige looks down and instantly covers his face. “Dammit.”

“It’s okay,” Tegoshi says happily, bouncing a little. “We can try it again after you’ve… calmed down.”

It could be much worse, he tells himself as he wraps his jacket around his waist and trots to the bathroom.

On the way he passes Yamapi, who gives him a knowing look and claps him on the shoulder. “It’ll get easier. _Trust me_.”

Shige takes a deep breath and resolves to try harder next time.

> 2\. Ryo + Uchi

Shige hasn’t seen Ryo grin this big since he won the card game that made Shige have to strip on stage.

“Kato,” he says loudly, calling attention to the entire hallway. “I hear you’re having a _hard_ time.”

Rolling his eyes, Shige starts to push his way past. “Your making fun of me isn’t going to help, Nishikido-kun.”

Instantly Ryo falls into stride with him, slinging a friendly arm around his lower back. “As someone who’s had a lot of love scenes, I’m going to give you some advice.”

“Pass,” Shige says quickly, fairly certain that he doesn’t want any kind of tips from Ryo.

“I’m serious!” Ryo declares, very clearly faking a hurt face. “Would I steer you wrong?”

“Yes,” Shige answers firmly.

They pass an open door, where an arm reaches out to grab him while Ryo shoves him from the other side. He falls with a squeak, landing directly on top of another person who giggles and hugs him from beneath.

Shige’s a little scared to open his eyes, but then a familiar voice breathes his name and he squints in the dark to see Uchi’s smiling face.

“Now the key is,” Ryo says from somewhere that is not as important as the way Uchi’s lips shine in the light sneaking in under the door. “You have to think of something completely un-sexy while going through the motions. Uchi, go.”

At Ryo’s command, Uchi’s legs fall open and he pulls Shige flush against him, hips rocking in a way that has Shige’s eyes widening.

“You look terrified,” Uchi whispers. “You’re supposed to be fucking me, right? What kind of shitty actor are you?”

Shige narrows his eyes, his pride taking over as he presses his face into Uchi’s neck and rocks back and forth.

“Good,” Ryo praises him, like he’s a dog or something. He kind of feels like one with the way that he’s humping Uchi, but at least he’s not getting aroused.

Until Uchi nibbles on his neck.

“ _Shit_!” he screams, and Uchi laughs hysterically.

“He needs more work than we thought,” Ryo says disapprovingly. “Don’t worry, Kato, I won’t let you make my group look bad.”

“… thanks,” Shige says from somewhere in Uchi’s hair.

Then Uchi licks his ear. “You don’t have to stop.”

Ryo locks the door.

> 3\. Jin

“When have _you_ had to do a love scene?” Shige demands, offering an unimpressed look with his hands on his hips.

Jin’s expression doesn’t change. “Clearly you haven’t seen any of my group performances.”

Shige starts to make a face, but it quickly changes into a gasp for air as Jin grabs him by the waist and executes a full body roll right against him. “The problem here is,” Jin whispers, so close that Shige can feel his breath against his cheek, “your group doesn’t do nearly enough fanservice.”

“We do a lot!” Shige replies indignantly, trying to stop his face from turning red at the way Jin’s grinding directly against him. “There was that time in Taiwan -”

“Was it like this?” Jin asks knowingly, rocking his hips left and right while giving Shige a sultry look.

It takes all of his energy to keep his eyes from rolling back into his head. “No,” he admits.

“Be strong, Kato,” Jin says in a bored voice, and Shige gets the feeling that he’s not doing it for the best interest of NewS _or_ Kato’s reputation. “If you think of it as work, that’s what it will feel like.”

Shige doesn’t like the guy, but he has to admit that Jin’s got a point. He takes a deep breath and meets Jin’s eyes, biting his lip like he’s into it and following Jin’s rhythm.

“That’s good,” Jin tells him. “Not your dancing, that sucks, but at least you’re in control of your hormones.”

“Maybe I’m just not attracted to you,” Shige snaps back.

Jin smirks. “Lies, everyone is attracted to me.”

Before Shige can argue, Jin drops to the floor and rubs his face in Shige’s thigh, making Shige choke on his air as Jin conveniently bypasses his crotch and presses his nose right up the center of Shige’s chest.

“There is no fucking way you’ve done that on stage -”

“We’re not talking about fanservice here, are we?” Jin asks condescendingly, sweeping his tongue along his bottom lip as he returns to grinding against Shige, resting his chin on Shige’s shoulder to speak directly into his ear. “You’re going to be on top of some hot girl, lying between her legs and kissing her, maybe touching her chest while moans like she really likes it-”

“Unfair!” Shige shrieks, shoving Jin away as the latter crumples to the floor in laughter.

It takes Jin a second to contain himself, giving Shige’s crotch a passing glance before jumping to his feet. “You’re hopeless.”

Shige squawks, but it’s more because Jin’s _leaving_.

> 4\. MatsuJun + Sho

“It’s a mindfuck,” Jun tells him bluntly. “You’re fucking her, but you’re not.”

Shige pays close attention because unlike the others, this guy actually knows what he’s talking about.

“Everything will be planned in advance,” Jun goes on. “Every kiss and every touch, so you’ll know what’s happening and not be surprised by any of them. Most arousal comes from the initial shock.”

“That makes sense,” Shige says with a nod.

Jun claps his hands decidedly. “That all being said, now we’re going to try it with directions and a script. Trust me, _nothing_ is less sexy than having someone bark orders at you while you’re trying to remember when to moan and where to put your hands.”

Finally, Shige feels comforted. Even though nobody’s going to be directing him during the actual play, by that time he’ll have done it so many times that it should be second nature.

… right?

 _Wrong_ , he thinks quickly, feeling very disappointed in himself as Sho struts into the room. He’s wearing a pair of low-rise jeans and a tank top, smiling politely like he’s not about to act out a fake love scene with one of his juniors.

Shige takes a deep breath. He can do this. It’s only Sho; certainly Sho won’t purposely trip him up or _cheat_ to make him fail. Sho’s a professional and an overall decent guy, someone who will take this seriously because he’s one of the few people who wants to see Shige succeed for once.

True to his words, Jun starts ordering them around and telling Shige _exactly_ what to do. And he was right – Shige doesn’t have time to even _think_ about getting aroused as he concentrates on following directions and moving his body to Jun’s command.

Even when Sho’s straddling his waist with his tongue in Shige’s mouth, rocking back and forth at just the right angle for fucking a girl, Shige remains calm. His fingers dig into Sho’s hips because Jun said to, his mouth moving mechanically and his brain focused on what happens next.

“You’re doing really well,” Sho whispers as he harshly breaks the kiss, throwing his head back like he was instructed to and riding Shige.

He’s going to moan, and Shige’s ready for it. Inwardly he braces himself, grabbing onto Sho’s hips for support and thinking about his next line as Sho lets out this deep, guttural noise that has Shige biting his lip in concentration.

“No, no, no,” he hisses out loud, trying to hold his sex face while imagining every disgusting situation he can possibly conjure on no notice. Everything leads him back to the present, to Sho riding him while moaning _like that_ and finally he gives up, sighing in defeat and looking apologetically at them both.

Sho stops moving and looks unconcerned as to Shige’s state. “You almost had it that time! I bet if we do it again, you’ll have it for sure!”

Shige thinks that if they do it again, Jun’s going to be directing a porno.

> 5\. Ohkura

“The others have been going about this all wrong,” Ohkura tells him firmly, having randomly stopped at his place with a bag of movies and an armful of take-out. “It’s because they’re all idiots.”

Shige nods understandably and lets him in, helping with the bags and leading Ohkura up to his room. “I really hope that you can help me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Ohkura laughs good-naturedly, flopping right on Shige’s bed and tearing into the food. “Pick one and put it in,” he says through his mouthful, gesturing towards the bags of movies.

It takes Shige three seconds to figure out exactly _what_ kind of movies they are, dropping them like they’re hot and giving Ohkura an incredulous look. “Ohkura-kun, we can’t watch _porn_ , my mom’s home!”

Ohkura chews thoughtfully. “Your mom is going to see your sex butai, isn’t she?”

“It’s not a-” Shige stops short. “Oh my god, she is.”

Ohkura raises an eyebrow knowingly.

Begrudgingly, Shige pops in a movie and turns it on. It doesn’t waste any time, jumping right into the sex before Shige even has his take-out container open.

“Look how fake it is,” Ohkura tells him, falling right into instructor mode like his day job is to describe the inner workings of the porn industry. “Did you know that most _adult performers_ have to have someone fluff them up before a scene? They’ve done it so many times that it doesn’t work on its own anymore.”

“I wish I had that problem,” Shige mutters.

Ohkura grunts noncommittally. “If you actually look at their faces, you can see that they’re both unbelievably bored and forcing every recorded noise.”

“I don’t understand, Ohkura-kun,” Shige says slowly. “How is this supposed to keep me from reacting while pretending to do it on stage?”

“Wait until I’m finished eating,” Ohkura replies around his food. “In the meantime, pay attention to their expressions and the lack of emotion they’re displaying.”

Shige does, although he’s pretty sure that porn has officially been ruined for him forever. He’s more turned off than turned on, even when the scene ends and a new one starts. The girl is hot and the guy is suave, but the over-exaggerated hair-flipping and manly grunts have Shige trying not to laugh, particularly during the money shot.

Suddenly he’s flipped over, pinned to his own floor with both hands above his head as he struggles to swallow his mouthful while looking at Ohkura in shock. The latter is staring at him like he’s about to come, biting his lip and hovering over Shige like he’s deciding whether to eat him or not.

“Make love to me, Kato,” he growls in breathy voice. “Throw me down and stick it to me with your big, hard cock.”

Shige’s torn between being disturbed and being amused, but he doesn’t have time to do either as Ohkura grabs him by the arms and rolls them over, dramatically tossing his head back and letting out this high-pitched moan as he rolls his hips upwards.

Nothing to do but play along, Shige supposes as he gives Ohkura his best smirk and rocks back. “You like this, don’t you baby,” he says in a low voice, noting how Ohkura regards him with an impressed look. “I’m going to fuck you so hard that you’ll break.”

“Oh yes,” Ohkura gasps back, his hand reaching up to pull on Shige’s hair as he closes his eyes and executes a very convincing full-body spasm. “Harder, I want to feel all of you inside me.”

Shige licks his lips and leans in, nearly choking when Ohkura meets him halfway and gives him the raunchiest kiss he’s ever had, one that feels like a maze of tongues as Ohkura pants into his mouth and jerks against him like he’s really getting off.

“We’re almost there,” he whispers. “Show me your O face, Kato.”

Shige thrusts harder and lets out a groan, scrunching up his face and shuddering before collapsing on top of Ohkura. Faking sex took more work than actually doing it.

“You did it!” Ohkura cries, pumping his fists into the air. “I am a genius!”

Shige sits up and folds his arms in concern. “I’m not entirely sure that was helpful.”

Ohkura’s face falls. “What? That was an amazing performance! For a second I thought you were actually fucking me.”

Shige blinks. “You’re weird.”

Sighing, Ohkura turns towards the TV. “Now that I’ve cured you, can we jerk off now? It’s been killing me to hold it back.”

“That’s what I need to do!” Shige practically screams. “Teach me how to hold it back.”

“Fine,” Ohkura says, hands reaching for his belt. “ _I’ll_ jerk off, and you try not to get hard.”

Shige makes it about three strokes before giving up and finding out how accurate Ohkura’s acting is.

> ::bonus::

The girls are all accommodating, treating Shige politely even though they’re all going to be partially molested by him on stage. Shige makes an effort to get to know them, a last ditch effort where maybe he won’t be turned on if they’re friends. Even he knows that’s a long shot, and he considers just telling them that he’s having a difficult time controlling himself and to please not get offended?

The rehearsals go pretty well, because Jun was right and the director’s voice distracts him from any kind of feelings. But then opening night comes and he couldn’t be more nervous. He even takes Koyama’s advice of jerking off before the show so that maybe his body will still be recovering when it’s time to perform for real, but that just makes him more paranoid.

Finally he breaks down and confides in one of the girls, who pets his head and tells him that it’s okay, that she won’t mind at all if the famous Kato Shigeaki-kun gets hard on her.

Somehow that’s not comforting, but it gets him through the entire show without incident. Afterwards, he feels a little stupid at how much trouble he’d gone through (not to mention his friends) to try and prevent something that’s clearly not an issue.

Night after night, he’s praised on his acting and professionalism with the girls. His popularity grows along with his ego, and he feels pretty damn good about life by the time the final curtain falls.

At the afterparty, the same girl whom he’d confessed his problem to comes up to him and toasts him on a job well done. “You were very natural,” she tells him. “It’s almost like you don’t even like girls.”

She flits away right after, leaving him alone with that assessment.

“Of course,” he says to himself, clapping a hand to his forehead. “What a waste of time and energy practicing with _guys_.”

Except that it wasn’t a _complete_ waste of time, not at all.


End file.
